I blurted "I have my dead baby inside of me" to a stranger

I'm at an anxious waiting phase still. It's been 5 days. Eliza hasn't contracted or bled a single bit!
Yesterday's was eventful. I thought I'd leave my basement and go to the parade and fair with my friend. My back was hurting but I was fine.

Emotionally I really feel settled about everything. I however did something unexpected. Frankly I'm embarased I did it... (This blog isn't about BS .. its about the gods honest truth... ) When we sat down at the parade, my friend had friends sitting right behind us. I was rubbing my back and he asked if I wanted to use the chair. I said very non-chalantly and brave and straight forward as not to cry " I need my back to hurt cause I'm hoping it turns into contractions because my baby died and I  need her to come out" then I turned back around to the parade. I'm sure this had to have freaked this guy out. But it kinda flew out of my mouth. I saw the "oh god what do I say to that" look on his face, then he saw my "oh dear heavens I did not just blurt that to a perfect stranger" look I gave back as I turned back around.

I was ashamed, embarrassed, but I  felt I needed to say something for some reason. Tell someone "my precious baby's dead body is stuck inside of me and she won't come out!

I came home from the fair to see my husband pulling in the driveway at the same time. He went in the house and layed down as he often does. I assumed he was getting depressed over the baby. So I left him to grieve.

We've had a sick 2 month old goat that I havent been able to attend to since Friday. So I went to find him and give him a b-12 shot. We finally found him, hiding behind a wood pile. Not moving.
I gave him the shot, but it didn't help. He wouldn't stand, very shallow breathing and was very clearly dying. I tried giving him a bottle thinking maybe he was dehydrated? He just layed there. It was too late. He was dying.

At the same time my husband is telling me he's nauseous and didn't feel well. I started saying " honey your emotions are just upset over the baby" then he says "its probably from getting hit in the face at work" WHAT???  My attention imediatly swings to my husband, as my friend was handling the dying goat. I find out one of the special needs clients at work clocked him in the face and in the back of the head and that he's been this way since noon (it was about 5:00 at this time) and nno oneoone at work took him to instacare or anything!!! I was so mad.

So here it is I'm dealing with a dying animal and husband with a concussion while I'm waiting for my dead baby to show up.

I send my husband with my friend to the ER, while I waited for my mom to come get the girls and for a friend to put down the goat. Once the guy handled the goat I headed to the er. Where hubs was diagnosed with an eye laceration and a severe concussion.

It was a long day.

This morning I had partial mucous plug come out. I hoped for more or bleeding, I've been sitting around all day watching walking dead on Netflix with hubs and nothing.

I have my OB appt tomorrow, to get my final pictures of her and to discuss options. I'm sure he'll recommend a d&c again and I'm sure I'll keep saying thanks but no thanks and he'll disagree and I'll smile and say thanks for your opinion lol

I'm hoping he'll give me something to soften the cervix, or to start contractions. Let's cross our fingers.