So much has happened since we lost our Eliza.
Jeremy and I Divorced and I swore never to get married again..
Well that is, until I met this cute guy at the Fiddler's drive-in ..
We met at the drive in, he pulled up next to my 1996 Mustang convertible. I offered my chairs to his kids and we got talking, flirted, but he went back to his car when the movie started. (Even though I offered for him to sit in the mustang with me)
I didn't talk to him after that, well , that day.
I was bummed too cause that guy and I had so much chemistry. But he didn't ask for my number. So I thought if I were to go back to the dating game that guy would be right perfect for me.
A week later I was in a very serious roll over car accident. It left me in alot of pain.
I couldn't shift the gears on my mustang very well so I decided to sell it (even though I love it, cause it truly is my dream car). I put it on Facebook marketplace (a place people sell stuff online).
I got a message .. Robert started off by asking if I was at the Fiddler's drive in a few weeks ago. I spouted back very sassy (and very me) " yeah you were the hot guy that didn't ask for my number" ..
Well that started a romance that would last for a very long time.
We met Sept 28 2018 at the drive in, we started dating Dec. 6, 2018, engaged Feb 8th 2019
and married Feb 8th 2020.
Throughout our relationship I got pregnant many times, and promptly miscarried every time. I had so much heart break during this time. I was getting pregnant ever other month it seemed. It got to the point I didn't feel I could be happy to be pregnant.
November 2020, I was pregnant again, this time with a Heterotopic pregnancy. I had one baby in my uterus, and one in my falopian tube. Neither were saveable. At 8 weeks (oct 28th) I had Chemotherapy to help the falopian baby. And Nov. 4th I had a D&C to remove the babies.
This one BROKE ME.
I WAS NOT going to go through this again. I can't! My heart is too broken and my mental health was begining to suffer for it!
All through November and December I grieved the loss of my boys, I was so sad. Sometimes I was so upset I would throw up! I was so emotional and hurting so deeply from the losses.
January I started to feel pregnant again, but I was confused because I didn't even get my cycle back. Certainly I couldn't have been pregnant.
Even if I was, I felt like I shouldn't even be excited because I would just lose the baby anyway.
To save myself heart ache and heart break I just ignored any pregnancy symptoms as a way of "numbing myself" from the pain of the "impending loss."
I hated that I felt that way! I hated that I was anything but over the moon excited. I couldn't allow myself that happiness, to just have it taken away again.
January 24th I couldn't take it anymore I had to know. So I took a test... it was positive...
My reaction "oh shit, here we go again, I'm gonna lose another baby"...
I was angry at myself for feeling that way. I wanted to be excited but after so much heartbreak my mind was trying to protect my soul.
I called and told Robert. (He was on the road for work)
We thought at most I was just bearly pregnant. I called my doctor and told him and he said to get blood work done in the morning and to see him that afternoon. So I did.
Going into the hospital for the blood work I was hoping for the best but bracing for the worst.
I checked the rest results on my phone 90,000 HCG .. WHAT ?? HOW??? Thats not just pregnant but that's SUPER pregnant! How did this even happen?
I went to the appt and the doctor did an ultrasound..
I was terrified, the last few times in the ultrasound room "there's no heartbeat" was said too many times than my heart will aknowledge.
So terrified, my soul begging for a healthy heartbeat..
He puts the ultrasound wand in.. and we instantly saw a beautiful teddy bear baby. I kept asking, where's the heart beat where's the heart beat.
Doctor heath responded .."We have a heart beat".. I broke down crying...
He measured the baby ..
11 weeks 1 day
WAIT! WHAT? HOW?
We just had the DNC 11 weeks ago.
The doctors response, "well something happened 9 weeks and 1 day ago"
So this little one, is not only 11 weeks (past the scary phase of pregnancy) but the baby was healthy and just fine!
Wow
What a story right!!
We had another appointment today. We did another ultrasound. Wow that baby was doing summersaults, waving, the whole 9 yards to let mama know that she is just fine!
Still in shock I'm pregnant, with a healthy baby, and I couldn't be happier!!
So here I sit, in the waiting room at the hospital getting my blood glucose test.
I'm so happy. So excited. Scared.. but excited..
Kyra is 20, Donna is now 10.. I guess I can't have kids but in 10 year gaps haha
I can't wait for the future!
